| chemical restraining order |
[18 Jan 2010|01:49pm] |
days pass as fucking blips
antisocial slumber
fatigue based idiocy
nocturnal
pancakes fried like golden brown bullshit
im sick of you cant you tell
mr sandman
kindly remove yourself from my life
before i have to chemically excise you once more
thanks
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[15 Jan 2010|10:17pm] |
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so, why is one of the most amazing people i know 2000 miles away i feel like im on a quest to the southern oracle
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| drifter |
[15 Jan 2010|08:04pm] |
like the shadow people, i drift in and out of peoples lives from the periphery, seldom forgotten... easily replaced with a less transient model.
its OK, being a drifter.
.
that way its easy to leave just as you came
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[05 Jan 2010|05:14pm] |
well, the new year is upon us, and what a beginning it had. Ive decided that im no longer putting up with bullshit in any form, im going to surround myself with people wjo think, really thing, and don't scratch the surface of everything in a tertiary manner. Im also not going to lie about how i feel-- something i learned this weekend...
im older and have grown this year, and some of my peers may be left behind. but its a time of change. im not a kid anymore, but its ok.
also no means no kids,
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[27 Nov 2009|10:12pm] |
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somtimes vacations are tooooo long.
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[24 Nov 2009|11:12pm] |
So
I'm really infatuated with this girl i met about a month ago she is amazing but our mutual spaciness is frustrating, and my grasp of subtelty and oversll romantic shyness is also complicating things
I just want to roll up in some sort of cosmic burrito with you, or share the spaces between spaces
I want to take out your mind and examine every facet, and notice the similarities therein
I really see no arguments from my side, i wonder how you feel
I desire, therefore im causing suffering, i need to want more and know less
i know deep down you like me
but i need some clarity
but i can't succumb to washing the situation
my resolution knob is stuck
there is somthing i need to do, but i have to wait, this is going to be one of those good pains though
like after dancing all night or spending time with afa
i want knothing but to get to know you, although i feel i have a good grasp already
i will be on the emiter and you can be the collector, lets just hope that somone sets the base high,
sometimes i wonder, do you think of me as often as i think of you, but i dont know that i have no way of knowing that
i just have to know it
in pure blind faith
i have to succumb
I want to share with you glances that in that moment seem like forever, in which infinite amounts of information are exchanged, but for all of that only smiles are returned
I have an urge for a cute adorable relationship, with stuffed animals and hugs and naps
for long talks
and mind melding
i want to share the mutual veiw of the world with you
because a pattern on the wall is part of me and its on you, its meant to happen.
I know it
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[06 Nov 2009|12:16am] |
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dont worry man i got this.
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[05 Nov 2009|10:57am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 anxious |
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yesterday was odd, i didn't feel like my timing was on. i was having a lot of premonitions about who i would run into and when, which is ok... it happens a lot, i feel like ive just been insanely vibey lately and everything is going well, minus a few things for school. I had an amazing time at cosm.
so i met this girl a little over a week ago, and honestly, she's incredible. I don't have any desire to be worshiping her or anything because thats just creepy, but everything she has said in conversation with me is intelligent, i feel like its someone at URI who gets me, i mean there are others here who have some understanding, but our interests are so similar, and she is just a sweetheart, im just concerned about coming off as strange, even though she is an oddity in and of herself, so i don't understand what i should be concerned about anything its just in the wastland between friendship and hopefully something more, sometimes i feel like my lack of experience leads to a lack of confidence at times. Oh well, i just have to keep the faith about this whole situation and let it pass into fruition
relationships are like plants man, you have to nurture them and let them grow.
this whole self doubt thing is bullshit, i just need to get my cockles out puff out my chest and know somewhere deep inside that im the best, atleast in this situation.
I'm just going to be open though, since meeting her my like animalistic physical libido has changed quite a bit
it used to be some sort of unsatisfied mechanical behemoth, you know alot of hooks chains and gears, with a full tank of gas, and now i just feel childlike and exploratory. i just want to explore, and be like a little kid, be nervous be awkward, It happens to all of us.
it comes down to if it doesn't work out at least i made an awesome friend, but i can do that no problem.
i'm done with that, now is the time.
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| a sorceress of the last age of ragnarok |
[03 Nov 2009|12:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 ecstatic |
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there is a Persian rug on the wall, it is static
temporally transient
some sort of cosmic message in the light of the fact that she already likes radiohead
like a newborn you are blind, mailable quartz
akin to a pane of glass on a broken home
your infantile intentions show
the ego of a dollar bill
the rug is placed in the closet
the family has left
the necklace is gone
the mechanical horrors make beautiful music in the mist of the nightshade forest
in caring a sister is born,
the drip remains flowing in the aural plane and with the sea bee's we find clarity
the newborn sister with the mind of the ancients procedes
on till past the hours where violet velvet becomes the flesh of citrus
the corner of the rug makes an apearance passing not into the periphery
in the advent of a simple rain, the wafts of fluid passes into the velvet once more
two souls know in past lives cross,
the pins are set
the bolt seperates
time compression
seconds later the entities realise the connection
data streams from the archives of days forgotten
the cosmic mainframe from the ages before ages hums to life
now is the time
the souls find solice in the respective essence of the others conciousness
selfless and polite
the door shuts and a new room is open, within the chamber lies a cornucopia of pineapple
the inner universe is 300 miles away yet one soul has already taken the journey
leading the other on the way
mutual knolege is obtained
fredia carlo eats eggs and mushrooms with strangers
the child forces the metal puzzle opening it yet making the joy he has unusable and is unable to reasemble
the clown sees the foolishness therein letting the rings seperate themselfes
metting with death the clown finds his innerspring welling with ambrosia
the sorceress is transmuting heartstrings into golden threads
the child dosent understand the threads yet is playing with stones
the velvet turns to gold as death waves the travlers goodbye
and alcie wanders back though the looking glass
the sorceress sees the joy of the clown; the clown finds inordinate beauty in the sorceresses skill, a respect for each digging within Gabriell horn they find the volume of golden thread
leaving the child behind with a kiss on the cheek, there comes a point when the bird is kicked from the nest
panic
learn fast or perish
the clown is no fool
and observes like a dormouse
joyfull he is
the rug is placed out again on the shoelss floor of a covered mind
its combustion
joy uncanny
fear is the mind killer
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| Mirror |
[26 Oct 2009|10:13am] |
So though a random encounter i met a girl that is pretty incredible, its like talking to a female version of myself, down to just about every little facet of my and her life...... Holy shit. thats all i can say. its amazing, here at URI to meet someone like this...
basicly, things are going well and looking up.
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[20 Sep 2009|12:18am] |
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i feel kinda lonely, just thought i would let you all know.
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| smile, it makes you far more attractive. |
[15 Sep 2009|01:06pm] |
well, i cant make you love me if you don't, friendships an option too. otherwise im not going to wait for you, i know inherently that i am a wondefull person deserving of love, i guess you don't see that, i guess its for the best, sometimes two people reside on different planes, i guess your not on mine.
I dont want to hurt anyone though love ,affection, or physical intimacy, to all of you whom i have, im sorry it was sincere, in whichever moment it was...
this is an apology and a statement
take all of me, or dont--i dont care, its what makes you happy, even if you aren't.
don't worry and dont panic.
be here now, because its all that there is and ever will be.
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| missing |
[11 Aug 2009|11:41am] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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I met you in the strangest of circumstances
there was us, the other members of the magic endured in the tent
in that moment there was only the tent
i would look at you and smile
you would laugh
i would laugh-it became cyclical
my soul rejoiced
it was if i had known you for years although all we shared was smiles and laughter
although there was occasional speech
talking was unnecessary
i recived your embrace before i left
hopefully i will find you
in the future
whenever that may be
i dearly hope you remeber me
whenever our paths cross again
i wish i had someway to contact you.
damn it
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[21 Jul 2009|07:50pm] |
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i saw the cutest girl on the bus today with a sponge-bob backpack and a penguin plush purse... oh my god.
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| alchohol |
[21 Jul 2009|02:50pm] |
is stupid. just thought i would let you know that.
also, girls are pretty awesome, wish i knew some cool ones(minus the ones I already know)
had to run for the bus today and steped in a puddle, the guy didnt stop, could have been worse, but what a dbag
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| dimentional seperation |
[24 Jun 2009|05:55pm] |
so, sometimes i fall asleep, but i don't meant too. its not anything new.
but sometimes i wonder if im just separating myself. going into another plane. there's always something there for me when i fall asleep. a world that is different from the one that i currently write this in i was always curious about that when i was a young child, how we just dream and its like another world. i mean its a bit cliche with the matrix and all those cliche stoner philosophies... but fuck it. i don't know when i fall asleep, i just know that im sleeping and wake up. i don't remember the last time i remember involuntarily falling asleep i just know that it happens all the time. and i hit rem immediately but never remeber the world behind closed eyelids... its strange, yet quite enjoyable....
outdorr on friday!
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| rave's- they are water for my soil |
[02 Jun 2009|08:32pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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the rave scene has enriched me. i love my friends that ive met there, not that i love any of you other guys any less. but this scene, this tribe, this life. its just freaking awsome, im learning to help another is to help ones self, that minus all our collective fuckups we are still ok. we are people after all. ive learned that in just meeting someone you can have a horrible understanding of each other. i love life, i love my friends, and i love EDM. in this moment i am happy.
also massages make me really happy, and i make silly faces-sorry if i creeped you out amanda, i was just happy that is all nothing more, absolutely nothing more.
lets get ready gor the next pow-wow
also mixing is great but i cant help butt piss off the neigbors
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| strange days |
[25 May 2009|12:31am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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so today was strange...
I got up at five in the AM after going to bootsy and franks apartment, which was nice i guess i dont really like some of my friends drunk though, and dont like drinking, but i did anyway.
I feel jaded by the amount of fun and sense of belonging that raving has given me, thanks all you guys, i sincerely love all of you kids so much you guys make me so happy, that i can just be me and not worry about anything.
so i realized i left my sweatshirt there, grabbed it and hung with Shane, after not sleeping well the night before.
walked back and then found out / remembered brooksy and Nicole were having a housewarming party.
went there
had an odd sense someone was pissed at me, im sorry if i did somthing to offend you.
got really down about my current state (school, smoking, lifestyle in general, lack of best friend and such, general sense of loneliness)
i cannot eat refined sugar anymore, it makes me depressed, horribly depressed.
i realized that my favorite record(electronic at least) has a sample from fear and loathing, as i got home(after locking myself out of the apartment for an hour).
kinda upset because i need to meet someone(female) that i both respect and bond with, i miss having a girlfriend immensely. and its time to move on, its just tricky, i dont want to be a pig at all, and i honestly think im shy still and rather oblivious to the world(per usual.
i think im gong to make a ton of clothes this summer.
adderal is of the devil.
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[17 May 2009|10:56pm] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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skynet-Central Proccesing Unit |
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So, i have a sleep study tommorow, for whateverthefuck is up with my sleep
i ended up not passing physics, which is a pretty big downer, due to the fact that the only reason for that ocuring was bombing the final, didnt pass calc 2 again either... i dont know what im going to do about that, hopefully i can just cram in enough credits to get by next semiester, take it once again and somehow get into the 3rd physics. and if im lucky/studious. get my gpa back up out of slackerland. i dont feel like im neccesarily unintelegent, i think that alot has happened this semiester that has affected me namley
death of grandfather
end of a 1.5 year relationship
adderall on and off dependant if i had the money to get it at the pharmacy
work
a general sense of malise and fatuige
not going home
not to say those are excuses, but its not like they make my performance in acedemia any better
(minus the adderall at the begining)
also( the lack of a female counterpart is a bit of a distraction(not to say having one wouldent be)
this whole adderall withdrawl is insanity though, i dont know if i want to kill others or myself, im sooo god damn angry and antsy and generalt tired.(im not going to off myself dont worrry... there are things yet to experence)
but this whole system things got me down... i want out i want to unnplug in a way. like in the matrix, get the fuck off that god damn grid, i dont watch tv anymore and i should stop listening to the radio.
keratakounus has progressed, i hope i dont have to get a cornea transplant, see the world though a dead mans eyes...
i also would like to have a bbq its going to be a sober one however, and if you read this your more than welcome to come when i decide to get my act together
im thinking
music-electronica/hardcore punk/ska (cam bring your vinyl)
open tables(if you knowwhat your doing-somewhat open)
Poi?
various meats/grapeleaves/hummus/veggie foods.
outside at my moms
possible afa games
No fucking movies for the love of christ!!!!!!!!!!!!! its gonna be a party not some tv fest(vommit)
possible other weirdness, art/paint/candi/candy
Sober, there will be lucid parents
keeping the vibes good(no being a douchebag, i will end you(and i can) if your off at all)
bring silly outside fun
and also possible kites?
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| Press F2 To Reset.... |
[04 May 2009|08:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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refreshed |
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As of my last post... its been confirmed, I am my own happiness Im enjoying that.
Now in Ebonics:"Yo' foo You don kno Mea I Do wha't I waaant!'
That jsut struck me feel free to ignore it
BTW the octopus tattoo has become concrete, It has to happen now, It was meant to be.
I have seen
with two eyes
Two,Sea,Eye
the sea of joy
Whats the deal with the fucking penguin?
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